For some people, a morning workout is a kind of gentle therapy. For the rest of us, the concept of heaving a pair of dumbbells around our living room before 9am is nothing short of a kind of torture.
If you look towards an early morning bootcamp class with a sense of fear and trepidation, you’ll probably relate to these emotional stages of getting a sweat on.
After spending the entire night scrolling through fitness influencers on Instagram, you’re feeling pumped about starting your virtuous new life tomorrow morning. You’ve laid out your gym clothes, planned your workout moves and packed the fridge full of kale for a post-session smoothie. God, you’re great – and so focused.
Sure, you’ve never been a been morning person before, but this time it’s different; you’re totally committed to getting a body like Joe Wicks.
Your alarm goes off at 7am and it all comes crashing down. You know it’s time to roll out of bed and get to it, yet you simply cannot bring yourself to open your eyes.
You’re warm, you’re cosy and you spent far too long bingeing on episodes of The Crown until the early hours. As the minutes pass and the alarms get snoozed, you know you’re running out of time.
After mentally throwing in the towel several times, you decide to just get it over and done with. But unlike the energetic instructor on your home workout video, you’re probably the angriest person that’s ever worn lycra.
You scowl, swear and curse at the television as you squat and jump through the routine. You’ve already decided to throw the kale in the bin and reward yourself with a packet of KitKats instead.
This is nothing short of horrendous. You’re on the verge of throwing up while simultaneously gasping to down a pint of water – and that’s only after the warm-up. You’re 100% done but the video still has another 25 minutes to go. How do people do this every day?
— alistair green (@mralistairgreen) July 22, 2020
It’s over. You never thought the cooldown stretch would arrive but you’ve miraculously made it to the end without giving up.
OK, you’re pretty sure you were close to death at one point, but now you feel utterly amazing. You might be laid out on the floor in a puddle of your own sweat, but it’s a pretty euphoric moment. You feel like Mo Farah after winning the 5000m Gold at the Olympics, but even better.
You’re properly proud of yourself and make a mental note to set your alarm early again tomorrow. Let’s hope your legs don’t feel like cement bricks in the morning.